


Na sua estante (on your shelf)

by hamsterborn



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:26:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8947693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamsterborn/pseuds/hamsterborn
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya have been living together for a while. But Izaya didn't change a bit since they started dating, and Shizuo starts to wonder how long can he stand the indiference that is growing between them.





	1. Chapter 1

_Te vejo errando e isso não é pecado_  
Exceto _quando_ _faz_ _outra_ _pessoa_ _sangrar_ __  
_Te_ _vejo_ _sonhando_ _e_ _isso_ _dá_ _medo_ _  
_ _Perdido_ _num_ _mundo_ _que_ _não_ _dá_ _pra_ _entrar_

* * *

It's been a while since Shizuo and Izaya had confessed their feelings for each other. It's was funny to see the most dangerous men of Ikebukuro so embaressed of saiyng just three words.  
_"_ _I_ _love_ _you._ _"_ the two said at the same time and stared at each other in silence. Izaya for the first time in his life, smiled a genuine smile. Shizuo stayed stunned when he saw Izaya smilling, blushing, embarassed for not knowing what to say. Well, there was nothing to be said. They kissed each other passionatly and since then, Ikebukuro was free of their fights and flying vending machines.  
After two months, they moved together to a new apartment, big enough to Izaya and humble enough to Shizuo.  
Shizuo was happy like never before in his life. He had someone to call "his". Someone who loved him and was not scared of his strengh. And Izaya... Well, He remained almost the same. Playing with people's lives as he always did.  
And that was the biggest problem. Izaya was still the same Izaya as always. And as much Shizuo loved him, he was still pissed, and to be honest, a bit scared of how evil Izaya could be sometimes.

* * *

_Você_ _está_ _saindo_ _da_ _minha_ _vida_  
_E_ _parece_ _que_ _vai_ _demorar  
_ _Se_ _não_ _souber_ _voltar_ _ao_ _menos_ _mande_ _notícias_

* * *

After those two months of pure love, Shizuo and Izaya began to become distant from each other. That pissed Shizuo. He hated the invisible wall that was growing between them, and hated even more the fact that Izaya didn't seems to care! Izaya just cared about work, work, work, work, work, and more work!  
They didn't even make love anymore. The kisses weren't the same, they didn't have the same passion as before.  
As much as he hated to admit, Shizuo had to admit that if this would continue this way...No! No! He could not think about a separation... He could not even think about the idea of losing his beloved flea.

* * *

_Tô_ _aproveitando_ _cada_ _segundo_ _  
_ _Antes_ _que_ _isso_ _aqui_ _vire_ _uma_ _tragédia_

* * *

But how long would he stand this? Does the flea do not care about losing him? If he, Shizuo changed for him... Why couldn't he change too for the sake of their love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wrote this fic when I was... what? 14 years old?... I don't even remember how long it has been... But somehow, I still like this story and wish to move to ao3 before leaving ff.net
> 
> I'll be posting the rest of the chapters soon :)
> 
> It was based on a song called "Na Sua Estante" from the singer Pitty, and her lyrics are present in the fic... And as I believe not everyone knows portuguese, here are the translations:
> 
> Te vejo errando e isso não é pecado - See you do wrong and it is no sin  
> Exceto quando faz outra pessoa sangrar - Except when you make someone bleed  
> Te vejo sonhando e isso dá medo - See you dreaming and it's scary  
> Perdido num mundo que não dá pra entrar - Lost in a world that I can not enter  
> Você está saindo da minha vida - You're going out of my life  
> E parece que vai demorar - And it seems it will take a while  
> Se não souber voltar ao menos mande notícias – If you don't how to know return at least send news  
> Tô aproveitando cada segundo - I'm enjoying every second  
> Antes que isso aqui vire uma tragédia – Before this turn into a tragedy


	2. Chapter 2

Shizuo blinked, tired, before finally opening his eyes to wake up. He moved his right arm to his side to find no one with him in the bed.  
"Tsk", he sighed. It must be late if Izaya wasn't in the bed, the raven-haired man hated waking up too early. So did Shizuo, but waking too late wasn't good too. Specially because today was a special day for both: it was the day they confessed their love for each other.  
Shizuo didn't buy the gift yet, so he had to hurry if he wanted to make a great surprise for his lover. Perhaps if everything went fine they would be more united just like when they began dating. At least, Shizuo hoped so.  
Shizuo left the bedroom going straight to the kitchen. He could smell the breakfast that Izaya was making for them. Well... If Izaya hadn't done yet the breakfast, maybe it wasn't that late.  
The view of Izaya smiling as he cooked their meal made Shizuo smile too. He loved the fact that only he could see this side of Izaya.  
Izaya, feeling observed, turned his head to see his lover in the door, smiling for him.  
"What's this smile for, Shizu-chan? Never saw me cooking before?", he said in a playful tone, smirking.  
"Yeah, but I can't help to think you're cute when you're not messing with anyones lives."  
"Ouch...", Izaya faked been hurt then laugh.  
Shizuo went to Izaya, hugging him and kissing him in the cheek.  
"Good morning, flea."  
"Good morning, Shizu-chan", Izaya said before returning to cook.  
He didn't return the hug and didn't kiss Shizuo. Damn! Why couldn't he be a little more romantic?  
After finishing cooking, Izaya placed a cup of milk for Shizuo and a plate with pancakes. Shizuo started eat but stopped when he saw Izaya leaving the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hands.  
"Where do you think you're going with this coffee?", he asked a little pissed.  
"I need to work, Shizu-chan. Can't waste time. Shiki has asked me some information and I can't let him down.", Izaya said with a bit of indifference in his voice.  
"But can't we at least eat together today?"  
"Sorry, my love... But if I don't work we can't pay the bills. With your payment we can barely buy our supplies.", Izaya smiled, sending a kiss for Shizuo, "I won't take a long time to finish... I promise.", and then, he went to his office.  
Shizuo sighed. Promise it won't take a long time, huh? Yeah, he stopped falling in this one a long time before.

* * *

_Cê me acha louca_  
_Mas tudo vai se encaixar_

* * *

Shizuo left home to buy a gift for Izaya, who didn't even notice Shizuo saying "goodbye", busy sending information to Shiki and messing with some random girl in a chatroom on the internet. This situation was getting worst and worst.  
What pissed Shizuo the most was the fact that Izaya seems to not care about anything, and when Shizuo once said he wanted to talk about their relationship, Izaya laugh, saying that Shizuo was imagining things. C'mon... Could he not see how hurt Shizuo was with this? But Shizuo decided to not think about it. Not today.  
Izaya didn't seems to remember what day today was, but Shizuo was sure he didn't forget. He must has something in his mind for tonight. Yeah, he hoped Izaya had planned something, just like he did in certain occasions. He knew how to turn Shizuo on. And that was one of the reasons they were still together.  
Now, the biggest problem ever: what to buy for Izaya? Let's just say he isn't the most easy person to please. He just liked the functional, and he already had everything that could be "functional".  
Shizuo sighed as he watched a small shop of groceries. He had to work now, Tom had give a few hours for him so he could search something for his boyfriend. But the time was almost finished, he would has to think about it later.

* * *

_Você tá sempre indo e vindo, tudo bem_  
_Dessa vez eu já vesti minha armadura_  
_E mesmo que nada funcione_  
_Eu estarei de pé, de queixo erguido_  
_Depois você me vê vermelha e acha graça  
_ _Mas eu não ficaria bem na sua estante_

* * *

Coming back home a bit late after having to compensate the time he loose this morning searching for the perfect gift, Shizuo found Izaya still in his office, laughing as he read the messages in the screen of his computer.  
"Still working?", Shizuo said in a tired tone.  
"Huh?", Izaya turned his chair to see Shizuo, "Ohh! Shizu-chan! You're back! I didn't notice when you left home...", he frowned, "You came home late today... Anything happened?  
"No, it's just that I had to compensate with a few more hours working for today's morning."  
"Compensate for today's morning? Where did you go today's morning?"  
What did he means with "where did he go"?  
"Are kidding me, Izaya? Don't you remember what day is today?", Shizuo also frowned, angry.  
"Huh, july fifteen. And?"  
"And?", Shizuo raised his voice a little.  
"I don't know, Shizuo! I don't know! Now, please, tell me why are you so mad?", Izaya widened his eyes. What has he done to make Shizuo this upset?  
Shizuo didn't say anything, he just throw a box wrapped in a colored paper in front of Izaya, expecting him to understand.  
And so did Izaya. He looked the little box, then Shizuo, then the box again before speaking with his boyfriend.  
"I-I...I forgot.", he said, turning his gaze to the ground.  
"Yes, you did. And now you understand why I'm saying that we're not the same together anymore?"  
Izaya faced Shizuo in the eyes.  
"Oh, c'mon, Shizu-chan... It's just a day... And what is a day with all the love we have for each other?", Izaya hugged Shizuo.  
"It's not just that... is..."  
"What?"  
Shizuo sighed.  
"Nothing", he said, realising himself of Izaya's hug, then left the room, leaving Izaya speechless. Only now he understood that something was wrong between them.  
Izaya opened the little box, curious of what Shizuo bought to him. It was ootoro, his favorite food. He sighed. How could he forget the day they started dating? Worst than this... How could he not has seen Shizuo was this upset? He did remember Shizuo speaking with him of something about it, but he also remember he didn't care that time. He just hoped it wasn't that late for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Vo)cê acha que eu sou louca – You think I'm crazy  
> Mas tudo vai se encaixar – But everything will work out  
> Você tá sempre indo e vindo, tudo bem - You're always coming and going, that's all right  
> Dessa vez eu já vesti minha armadura - This time I put on my armor  
> E mesmo que nada funcione – And even if nothing works  
> Eu estarei de pé, de queixo erguido – I'll stand, with my chin up  
> Depois você me vê vermelha e acha graça – Than you see me red and think it's funny  
> Mas eu não ficaria bem na sua estante – But I wouldn't be on your shelf


	3. Chapter 3

_E não adianta nem me procurar_   
_Em outros timbres, outros risos_   
_Eu estava aqui o tempo todo_   
_Só você não viu_

* * *

_Tic-tac. Tic-tac._  
Izaya stared the clock on his desk for a long time, thinking about the last time he and Shizuo had a serious talk about their relationship, and sighed. How could he be so blind? He was so prepotent, never afraid of anything, but this time, he was afraid... Afraid of losing the only person that would ever love and care about him. Even if Izaya claimed he loved humanity, it was quite obvious humanity didn't love him back, and Shizuo, he was the only one for Izaya.  
 _Tic-tac. Tic-tac._  
Izaya snorted, pushing the clock, sending it flying across the room. He placed both hands in his face and before he lost his courage, rose from his chair and went to his and Shizuo's bedroom.

In the bedroom, Shizuo was packing a small bag with some of his clothes – the great majority were his bartender suits. He had decided it was better take a break with Izaya, so they could see if they should be really together... or not. It was a hard decision, and he was already hating himself for that, but Shizuo told himself he would not turn back. If Izaya hadn't seen yet he was been serious, well, now he would.  
And in the exact moment Shizuo was turning to leave the room, he saw Izaya in front of him, looking the bag in his right hand with widened eyes.  
Izaya's vision blurry, and he felt about crying. 'Please, please... Don't say it... Don't say it's over.', thought Izaya.  
"Izaya...", Shizuo began to talk  
"You want to break up with me, isn't it?", Izaya said, feeling the tears forming in the corner of his eyes.  
"No, no! I... I think it's better for us to take a break, but, only for a time, nothing definite. At least, not yet."  
Shizuo then saw something extremely rare happening: Izaya was crying. He cursed himself for his deciosion, but then, remembered what he told himself: no turning back.  
"Flea...", he stroked Izaya's face, "I..."  
"I knew this was going to happen after earlier today... I mean, it was the last drop of water for you to explode.", Izaya touched Shizuo's hand, which still was in his cheek, "And I don't blame you, neither I'm mad with you, I gave you reasons to think that I didin't care about us. Now I see it... And now is't to late."  
Shizuo was speechless. He didn't want to hurt Izaya, he didn't want to leave him... But he needed it. Just for today he would not take a dose of Izaya*.  
It was a very long and cold night for them.

* * *

_Só por hoje não quero mais te ver_   
_Só por hoje não vou tomar minha dose de você_   
_Cansei de chorar feridas que não se fecham, não se_   
_curam_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E não adianta nem me procurar – And don't even try to find me [not the exactly translation, but it was strange, so I prefer this way]  
> Em outros timbres, outros risos – In other voices, other laughs  
> Eu estava aqui o tempo todo – I was here all the time  
> Só você não viu – Only you didn't see  
> Só por hoje não quero mais te ver – Just for today I don't want to see you  
> Só por hoje não vou tomar minha dose de você – Just for today I won't take my dose of you  
> Cansei de chorar feridas que não se fecham, não se  
> curam – I'm tired of crying for wounds that don't close, do not heal


	4. Chapter 4

A week has passed since Shizuo left home, and he was staying in a hotel, which Kasuka was paying – not that Shizuo liked it, but he had no arguments against his brother when he told Kasuka he was leaving his and Izaya's house for a while.  
Izaya fell into depression. His mind never was where his body was, and he barely ate that week. He didn't want to eat, to sleep... Nothing. Nothing matters without his blond. He even didn't want to watch his beloved humans, not even cared for his work, that accumulated. Namie, Izaya's secretary, almost got insane with all the mess she was having to deal. But Izaya didn't care.  
Shizuo was in almost the same situation. He was getting angrier in his work than usual, and Tom didn't know what to do to help him. Celty tried to talk with Shizuo, but he refused talk with anyone about Izaya. Just by thinking in his name, Shizuo wanted to slam something, beat someone...cry.  
And while Shizuo thought he didn't has the right to coming back after leaving, Izaya thought he didn't has the right to asking Shizuo to come back.  
Tired of seeing his best friends in this situation, Shinra decided to do something. He asked to his wife, Celty, to call Shizuo for a dinner, oblivious that he, Shinra, would call Izaya as well. And so they could talk, Shinra and Celty would leave them alone. Celty agreed to help, since she didn't like to see Shizuo this sad.  
And that night, the plan was put into action.

* * *

_E essa abstinência uma hora vai passar_

* * *

Shizuo was laying in the couch of Shinra's apartment, watching – or better saying – just seeing the television, since he was oblivious of what was happening in the movie or whatever was passing.  
It was almost time for Izaya to arrive, and Celty was finishing the dinner, using a recipe borrowed from Simon, from the Russia Sushi – everyone was trying to help Shizuo and Izaya to be together again. And just when the door bell rang, Celty had finished placing the plates on the table.  
Shinra looked Shizuo, still on the couch, before opening the door, greeting Izaya.  
"Hi, hi!", said Shinra, in his usual cheerful tone, "Thought that you weren't coming!"  
"Hi. And, yeah, I wasn't coming but...", Izaya sighed, "Guess I needed to leave home a bit."  
Yeah, he had to. The whole house smelled Shizuo. He was getting sick of feeling the presence of his Shizu-chan and not having him around.  
"Sooo... Celty has made the dinner, let's sit.", Shinra didn't wait for Izaya to answer, he pulled the raiven-haired man, placing him in a chair, before the other could regret coming.  
Izaya didn't say anything. He knew Shinra was planing something to make him feel better. It wouldn't work, still. Nothing would make him feel better.  
In the living room, Shizuo frowned as he "thought" he heard Izaya's voice. He shook his head, saying to himself it was just his impression. And before he could think in anything else, Celty came to his side and typed to him that the dinner was served. Shizuo just stared at the screen of Celty's phone, and without saying anything, went sitting at the table.  
Shinras was babbling something that Izaya didn't seem to care, until he heard Shinra calling _his_ name.  
"Hey, Shizuo! Please, take your seat.", said Shinra.  
Shizuo was going to sit when he saw Izaya, staring at him in shock.  
"Izaya?"  
"Shizuo?", both said at the same time, turning their gazes to Shinra, who already was behind Celty.  
"Oh, well... We are going to Russia's Sushi, we need to return this recipe for Simon... Have fun, guys!"  
Before one of the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro could say anything, Shinra leave his apartment, running from them. Celty waved, seeming ashamed and left the two alone.  
Both Izaya and Shizuo didn't know what to say. Sorry?,I miss you?, How have you been?... So much questions.  
Shizuo sat in front of Izaya, who was looking away from him. This silent was awkward and Shizuo was pissed of it.  
Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac.  
Still, silence.  
Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Tic-tac.  
"Okay...", said Shizuo and Izaya stared ate him, "I guess... I guess it's better for me to go-..."  
"No!", Izaya shouted, "Please, don't go now..."  
"...", Shizuo didn't know what to say. He wanted to say how much he missed Izaya, but didn't know how... After all, he left Izaya. When he opened his mouth to say something, Izaya cut him.  
"Estou com saudades...", the red-eyed man turned his gaze to the ground.  
"What?"  
"I said that I miss you.", Izaya answered the confused blond.  
"Oh... I miss you too."

Silence again.  
Both were staring at the floor, they didn't want to face the other. Still, they were enjoying being close, and they want it to last, because when they leave, they would be separeted again.  
"I-Izaya...", mocha eyes stared red eyes.  
"Yes?"  
"I'm sorry for leaving you... I should never-..."  
"It was my fault. If I had gave you more attention this would never have happened.", he felt tears droping from his eyes.  
"I guess then, it was _our_ fault.", Shizuo stroked Izaya's face, wiping his tears.  
"Can we go home now? Please, Shizu-chan? I can't stand like this... I can't stay without you!", Izaya was crying as he never did before in his life. And he didn't care about it. Pride? What is that compared to the love he felt for this man? He hugged Shizuo, wanting they to become one.  
"I promise you I'll never leave you again, my flea.", Shizuo said, before kissing Izaya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E essa abstinência uma hora vai passar – And this abstinence will pass sometime (not the literal translation, but again, the literal loses a little sense)
> 
> Estou com saudades – "I miss you"


End file.
